Spoiled. Spoiled?

With the holidays just passed, I've been thinking (and talking--hi mom!) about the word spoiled. I've seen many pictures on Facebook of Christmas trees with so many presents around them there's no room for anything else in the room. In fact, for a split second it made me feel bad about the presents we got Gia. Did we get her enough? In comparison to many people we know, we barely got her anything.  But, I'm not in the habit of keeping up with the Jones, so I quickly dismissed that worry.

So when a friend asked me how badly we spoiled Gia this Christmas, I had to take a breath before I answered her.

See, the thing is, I hate the word spoiled. I'm an only child and I've been hearing it my whole life. People often assume that because I have no siblings, I must have been spoiled. Not the case. It's true that I didn't want for much as kid, but my parents absolutely taught me that I had to work to get what I wanted. They also taught me to respect others and to respect my belongings. If I trashed a toy or a pair of jeans, there wasn't a brand new one waiting for me.


So, when someone calls my kid spoiled, I bristle a little. Spoiled means ruined. It means "to diminish or destroy the value or quality of".  Surely a few toys are not going to ruin my child. Especially if I'm teaching her to value the things she has and to realize that there's much much more to life than the stuff we have.

But, there's also something else going on here and took me a little while to figure it out--to figure out exactly why the word spoiled gets me so riled up. It's because the word reeks of judgment. And no one likes to feel judged.

So then I wondered if maybe there's another word that we could use that wouldn't feel so judgey. The best I could come up with? Overindulged. Which is only marginally better. It stillsmacks of judgment. It's not up to me to decide if someone else's kid is overindulged. Because what looks like overindulgence to the outside may not be. We aren't a part of that family. We don't truly know. And so we shouldn't judge.

Easier said than done. I'll be the first to admit that I struggle with judgement. I try not to judge others, but it's not easy. I think it's human nature. First we compare ourselves to others and then, when we're different or our choices are different, we judge to make ourselves feel better.  It's not fair or right, but it happens.

So, back to the friend who basically called Gia spoiled. I wish I could say I had some really enlightened response for her. But honestly, it took me two days of good thinking time (I think best when I'm blow drying my hair) to figure out why all this irked me so much. So my response was something along the lines of "Actually we didn't spoil her. She got a few new toys and some clothes, but that was it."

Not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for all that we can give Gia. But that goes way beyond the stuff we can provide. It's about the love and the happy home and the time and attention. Maybe next time that will be my response.

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For now I'll leave you with a few awesome pictures of my daughter in pigtails for the first time. When did she get old enough for pigtails?

1st Day of Preschool!

When Gia went for her 2 year old check up this past summer, our pediatrician asked about our preschool plans. I told him I planned to send her in the fall, right after she turned 3. He suggested we think about sending her at 2.5 to avoid her getting bored (and thus getting into trouble) at home.   My husband and I completely trust our pediatrician. In fact, we love him. He hasn't led us astray yet. Through getting rid of pacifiers and bottles to potty training, he's been full of excellent advice that not only works, but also meshes well with our parenting style.   The moment we got in the car, we looked at each other and said, "School? Already?"  Over the past few months we discussed the idea and really, truly thought about whether or not Gia was ready. And in early December (once I got my spring work schedule) we made the decision to send her.    Today was her first day!   Gia does well in most new settings as long as we've adequately prepared her. She loves to know whats coming next. Whether it's after her nap, tomorrow, or in a few days, she is happiest when she's prepared. (Aren't we all?)  So for the past few weeks we've been talking about school all the time. About teachers and friends and art projects and new toys and snack time. And she's been so excited.   Of course this morning Gia slept an hour later than usual. I finally saw her stirring on the monitor and I went right in to get her. We had Rice Krispies and then I let her pick out her outfit for the day. We put on her  new shoes (thanks Yadi!) and took a few pictures.   

Blurry, but still priceless!

  Then we put on her coat and her backpack.  And took a few pictures.

On our way to school, Gia was all smiles. She was excited, and she reminded me  I wasn't going to be staying at school with her. Clearly she was fine with it.   When we pulled up, reality set in for both of us. As I walked around the car to her side, I started to get choked up. Was I ready to leave my baby? Was she really ready for this? I put on a happy face and got her out of the car. She clung to me and said "Mommy, don't leave me."  It was an arrow straight to my heart. I nearly turned right around and got back in the car with her. I can homeschool her forever, right?   But, we were brave and we continued on. I carried her into school and put her down in the hallway. Gia saw her classroom and ran right in. Her teacher, Miss Mary, helped her out of her coat and together they hung it up. Then she ran right over to the sinks and washed her hands. I watched her look around the brightly colored room for a minute.  Then Miss Jean led her over the easels and set her up with some purple paint, next to her new friend Brooke. I said goodbye to her -- she barely paid me any attention -- and then I left. I actually walked out of the school and left my baby inside.    Driving away was surreal. I was overwhelmed with emotions: excitement, amazement, sadness, and pride, to name just a few. I called Jon and we talked about Gia and how well she did and it made the moment bearable for me. No tears for this Mama!   2 1/2 hours is not really a long time but today it felt like an eternity. I meandered through Wal-mart, checking my phone every 5 minutes, just to make sure no one from school called.  They didn't.   When it was time to pick her up, I arrived a few minutes early and I peeked through the window. Gia was happily putting her coat and backpack on. A moment later the teacher opened the door and said, "Let me see who's here. I see Gia's mommy!" And with that, she spotted me and came flying through the door. She hugged me so tight and she smiled so big.   On the way home she excitedly told me she all the day's events: she played instruments (she banged a drum, she said), and she sat on the rug, sang songs, had animal crackers and juice, painted with purple, and got a sticker. She wanted to call daddy and so we did and she told him all about school too--with heavy emphasis on that sticker. To hear the pride and joy in her voice made this all so worth it.   And one more thing: when I was little my mom made me chocolate chip cookies on the first day of school and it quickly became a tradition. Every year, on the first day of school, there's always chocolate chip cookies. So, after Gia's nap today, we made cookies together, just me and my little girl.    

Resolutions? Nah!

By now we all know that the majority of people who make resolutions break them before the end of January. You know how the gym is packed for a few days after January 1st? By the end of the month there is no one there. Everyone's already given up on their resolutions.   So rather than resoltions, I'm going to make some goals for myself in 2013: things that I want to accomplish. I'll put them up here for everyone to see and then you can hold me accountable at the end of the year, k?   1. Continue to blog at least 2x a week. I'm surprised at how much I love blogging. It's an awesome creative outlet for me and it's a lot of fun. Added bonus: I'm documenting our lives!   2. Continue to hone my photography skills. I don't have any upcoming classes scheduled, but I'm going to continue to snap away and practice my editing in Photoshop.    3. Patience. I don't have a ton of it. I have enough. But I want more. This is something I'm always working on though, and 2013 will not be any different.   4. Make progress on my novel. There, I said it. I wrote a novel. I finished it in 2011 and I barely looked at it in 2012. I know it needs a complete overhaul in the editing department and finding the time to do that is not easy. But in 2013 I'm going to make progress. I don't want to make a grand statement like "I'll finish editing my novel in 2013," because that might not happen. I have some other big projects on the horizon and I may not get there 100%. But I'm definitely going to work on it!   5. Get this house organized! Now that the big project is done (the kitchen) it's time to tackle the smaller things, like our office -- aka the land of the misfit stuff. If it doesn't have a home, it ends up in our office. Same with the basement. Time to clean out & organize!   Last, but most certainly NOT least...   6. Continue to make my family my priority. Gia is only going to be little once and I cherish every moment with her. I love making the mundane fancy or special. I make a big deal out of things because, ya know what, life is a big deal. We only get to do this once and I want to do it the best and most fun way I can.     What are your goals for 2013?